Summerstay Christmas Letter 2023
These
Christmas Letters have come full circle—we first started sending them out when
Daniel was the age Ellen is now. [note- actually Daniel was a bit younger.
–Lesli] I am back down to my one government job, which has become more
interesting now that everyone is excited about ChatGPT. Ellen is about to turn
4 and enjoys making houses for fairy tales out of sticks and rocks, watching ‘Paw
Patrol’ and leaving the house for any reason whatsoever. Daniel is in his
fourth year at BYU. He was in ‘Wait Until Dark’ this year, among other plays. —Doug
Ellen
adores her super big (at least, length-wise) brother, and on his part, Daniel
is very protective of Ellen. I’m so glad Daniel is able to come home for
several months every year still. Ellen loves to be a 3-yr-old backseat driver.
She sits in her car seat behind Doug while he’s driving and watches the GPS on
his phone and points out when to slow down because a speed camera is ahead, and
when a traffic light is coming, and when there is a car crash ahead, etc. It’s
super cute. Daniel was in several plays, worked two jobs, including a new job reading
articles for BYU Studies audio format. He also wrote and performed in a
historically accurate play about Joan of Wales for his Welsh class!
This
has been a super, super hard year for me, as my health and pain levels, rather
than continuing to improve after my Nov.’21 surgery, have been slowly but
steadily getting worse all year, until they took a big jump for the worse two
months ago. I found out, just recently, that I need emergency surgery again to
re-fuse my skull to my neck with metal (Jan ’24). But, I think humor is a great
way to cope! I’m grateful for my funny family! —Lesli
Medicine
Lesli- Ellen’s at 99.3. She’s sick.
Lesli [touching her throat]- Ellen, does your throat hurt?
Ellen [pitifully]- Yes.
Lesli- Her throat hurts. see, she’s
sick.
Doug [touches her toe]- Do your toes hurt?
Ellen [pitifully]- Yes.
Lesli [touches her hand] - Do your hands hurt?
Ellen [pitifully]- Yes.
Daniel- Does your appendix hurt?
Ellen [pitifully]- Yes.
Doug- We'd better take her to the
emergency room.
While Doug was putting up the
Christmas tree, he sneezed loudly. Ellen kindly said, “Blast you!”
Ellen [standing on a scale]- I check my temperature on my foot.
Daniel- My tummy hurts.
Lesli- Oh no, do you have residual
infection?
Daniel- No, it's a gas bubble.
Lesli- Are you sure?
Daniel- Of course I'm sure.
Lesli [anxiously]- Because--
Daniel- Stop being a vicarious
hypochondriac.
Lesli- You know I have a problem
with using the right names for words.
Doug- Wait, you're trying to name
words on the fly? That may be what's causing your trouble. Most people just use
the words themselves.
TV and
Movies
Ellen saw the ad for the movie Troll with people climbing on a giant
face and said she liked to watch the eye move. Then she saw the ad for the
movie Persuasion and called it a
hugging movie. —Doug
When we tell Ellen she can’t watch
TV right now she raises two fingers and pleads “just for two minutes.” —Doug
Doug- Why are you crying?
Ellen- I can't want ADS! [on her cartoon]
Doug- That's the human condition.
[Lesli watching show 'Jury Duty' where everyone is an actor and
knows it’s not real jury duty except the foreman.]
Lesli [to Doug]- Sometimes I feel like we’re in a situation like in Jury Duty with Ellen, where all of us
know what’s going on and that it’s not real except Ellen.
Daniel- The pattern for my hair is
Eleven from season two of Stranger
Things.
Ellen- I wanna watch that show!
Doug- That's just an advertisement
for dog food. And since you clicked on it, I'm going to get an unending series
of dog food commercials.
Ellen was making the eagle toy
pretend to eat ‘rainbow fish,’ which I thought was just a creative
three-year-old idea, but then I realized she must have learned from Youtube
about eagles eating rainbow trout.
Daniel [watching Ellen’s ‘Cocomelon’ songs playing on TV]- These seem like
they could have been written by AI.
Lesli- I don't like the name Bruce.
Everyone named Bruce is awful.
Doug- Well, there's Bruce Wayne,
Bruce Banner….
Lesli- I don't know who they are.
Doug- Bruce Wayne, billionaire
playboy, lives in Wayne mansion, has a batcave?
Lesli- I don't know him.
Doug- You know who Clark Kent is,
though, right? It seems just as strange not knowing who Bruce Wayne is. How
much time each day do you spend thinking about Batman, anyway?
Lesli- Um, zero?
Doug- That's probably the problem.
(Also
discussed-- Bruce Lee, Bruce R. McConkie, Robert the Bruce, Bruce Willis)
Ellen was singing Duck Tales over the baby monitor after
waking up from her nap. —Lesli
Ellen dreamed that giant snails were
coming into her room to get her. It was the first time I remember her telling
me about a dream. -Doug [note- I think she may
have been watching too much ‘Shaun the Sheep’ lately, because there is an
episode with scary snails. -Lesli]
Paw
Patrol
[We
were (reluctantly) watching ‘Paw Patrol’ with Ellen, and Mayor Humdinger was
doing something dastardly, as usual.]
Doug- He’d still be a better president than Trump.
Lesli- Could you expand on that?
Doug- When he gets caught doing
something bad, he sometimes looks a little ashamed. When he really gets into
trouble, he’s willing to listen to the experts. He’s got a better sense of
style.
Ellen- Mommy, I had a dream.
Lesli- Oh really? What was it?
Ellen- Paw Patrol…[long explanation] .. Grandma was in Paw
Patrol. Only I can have a dream. You can't have one. And Poppy can't have one.
Only me, here (pointing to head)
Doug- Do you want to watch a movie?
Ellen- Yes. Paw Patrol!
Doug [not wanting to watch Paw Patrol again]- Paw Patrol’s not a movie.
Ellen- But it’s also a show to
watch. And movies are shows. Right, Poppy?
Religion
[Watching
‘Good Omens 2’ on Netflix]
Aziraphale [anxiously]- You didn't sell any books did you?
Crowley- No.
Lesli [to Daniel]- That's how I would feel [if I owned a bookshop]
[10:06
a.m.--sacrament mtg (church) starts at 10:30 a.m.]
Doug- It looks like we're going to
be watching Good Omens for sacrament
meeting today.
Lesli- No we're not. Take your
shower.
Daniel [at same time]- Well, it is
about good and evil.
Daniel’s friend [at BYU] - Are you going to ward prayer?
Daniel- Probably not.
Friend- Ah, I see, so you too
despise the covenant.
El
len has a cheap, dollar-store 101 Dalmatians coloring book, and nearly every page is like this. Whoever drew this thing was a genius at deconstructing the very idea of a coloring book. It's like an exercise in Zen. —Doug
[Lesli helping Ellen say prayers (which she won't do very often) by whispering to Ellen what she should say, and then Ellen also whispers it.]
Lesli- Please bless Daniel.
Ellen- Please bless Daniel.
Lesli- And please bless Mommy.
Ellen- And please bless Mommy.
Lesli- And please bless [pause]—me.
Ellen [still whispering]- No, not you!
Lesli- Please bless [pause] Ellen.
Ellen- Please bless [LONG pause]- ME!
Music
Doug [to Daniel]- You know your sword that makes clanging noises—well
Ellen's been playing with it a lot and she has dubbed it ‘Jingle Bell.’
Lesli [in the context of talking about Sullivan and Gilbert, Hammerstein and
Rogers, Garfunkel and Simon, Lowe and Lerner]- Lin Manuel Miranda seems
like a nice guy.
Doug- He seems like one nice guy and
two nice women.
Ellen [singing along with ‘Funkytown’]-
Won't you take me to Monkey Town?
Won't you take me to Pumpkin Town?
Taco boat it taco boat it taco boat
it
The
Stage
Daniel’s friend [at college]- You should be a ballet dancer.
Daniel- Why a ballet dancer?
Friend- Because you have the build
for it.
Daniel- What? Have you ever seen a
male ballet dancer?
Friend- I didn’t say a male ballet dancer.
Daniel [in conversation with Doug]- The real question is not “Why do
chronically depressed people put on shows?” but “Why doesn't anyone else?”
Words
Ellen Still Gets Wrong
Optimus Prime → Octagon prime
Unicorn → Norn
My → mine
Your → ors
water fountain → water mountain
fiddlesticks [our cat] → stiddlesticks
tomatoes → matoes
banana → manana
animal → naminal or aminal
pop-up book → Poppy book
ninja turtles → ninjy turtles
Monument Valley [a favorite video game] → Momily Balley [or] Mommy and Baby
triangles → try-giggles
coccoon → coocoon
caterpillar → capapillar (previously
callipepper)
butterfly → buhbuhfly
Sesame Street → sesasnoo street
grappling hook → grabbeling hook
goggles → gobbles
She thinks 'koala bear' and 'granola
bar' are the same word. —Doug
Subsection—Cute Ellen Sentences
Ellen- Why did you didn't open it?
Ellen calls her room ‘mine baby
room.’
‘Now put the Engly muffin on it.’
‘I can't like it’ instead of ‘I
don't like it’
‘That stupid rooster always cocks-a-doodle-do.’
[about a neighbor’s real rooster that
wakes her up in the mornings]
‘When it's night time fairy tales
will come and use the house and they will like it.’
‘I’ll be a Starwar and this is my
lightsaber and you be a monster and I’ll get you.’
‘This is the fwoopy fing that goes
round-round to make you cool off.’ [Snoopy
fan]
When the potty gets stuck you use the ‘puncher’ to ‘punch it down!’ Ellen likes to do what she calls ballelet—because it is what ballelinas do. And the ballelinas also learn how to balalance. —Doug
More of
Ellen Being Cute
Ellen asked me what a bit of wire on
the ground was and I explained the electrical workers had left it when they
repaired the transformer below our yard. After that she explained to Daniel how
they were fixing a robot that turns into a truck under our house. —Doug
I yawn loudly next to Ellen. She
says, “You have breath in your mouth!” Then she yawns, too. “Don't say that in
front of me, Poppy. It makes me tired again.” —Doug
Ellen [playing by herself with her stuffed cat and her baby doll]- Meow
meow meow. Don't meow; it hurts my ears!
During my birthday party with a ton of people outside, I was carrying Ellen sideways inside to change her diaper. At the door she called out, “Save me Daniel!” —Lesli
Ellen- Stop tickling on me!
I told Ellen rain is when clouds get too full. Ellen said rain is clouds peeing and pooping. Then she amended it and said clouds don't poop. —Lesli
Ellen
has started creative problem solving. We told her, truthfully, that in order to
attend school next year, she needs to be toilet-trained. After some accidents,
she excitedly proposed that she could go to school in a diaper. She also
suggested that she could go to a different school.
Ellen
is making up stories as she plays. She had her characters threatened by a bad
eagle, who prevented them from getting to the top of the tower. Then the Lego
witch flew up and turned it into a good eagle with her wand, and said “Hee hee
hee!”
Ellen [pointing to some flower stickers]- This
is a sunflower ... and what's this?
Daniel-
Those are tulips.
Ellen-
Oh! [gesturing to her mouth] Like me
have two lips!
Ellen [putting up ornaments]- This one is an
astronaut, right? It haves writing on it. What does it say, Poppy?
Doug- It
says ‘50 years, July 20, 1969’ Did you know people visited the moon?
Ellen-
Yeah, but we don't visit the moon. We just stay on Kay street.
Ellen
put the nesting boxes in a row and said they were stones for crossing a river.
She
doesn't really get how pronouns work yet, so she'll say of a little snake toy “Oh!
Look! her has two eyes on his head!”
She
likes to pretend to be a superhero and say “ackivate super fast button!” and
presses a button on her belt loop and then starts running-- not really faster
than before, but with more steps. —Doug
Lesli [trying to distract Ellen from the fact that
she's being put to bed]- I should put Hermes [the cat] in your bed.
Ellen-
That would be ’orrible!
Ellen threw the ball and I missed
and said “Oops!” and she said, “Dat’s okay, ’stakes happen sometimes.” —Lesli
Ellen [excitedly holding up the stuffed, felt donut she and Poppy made as she’s
put to bed]- Look Mommy! It’s not a choking hazard!
Lesli- Why did you draw on your
face?
Ellen- ’acause I wann make a smile.
Lesli [after the power went out]- Powering off the fan doesn’t work, but
you know what still works? This blanket.
Ellen- That's because it’s REAL!
Doug [making up a story]- But the eagle didn't have any money, so how
could he buy any fishy crackers?
Ellen- Den him get money from a
money store.
Ellen started calling Doug ‘Doug’ when his Mom [Rebecca] was here because she always called him Doug. I continually corrected her and said, “No, you call him ‘Poppy’ because he’s your Poppy.” It didn't work until days after she left, though. Now she corrects me whenever I call him ‘Doug’ and tells me to call him ‘Poppy.’ —Lesli
Daniel- What letters do you use for Ellen?
Ellen- E L I N [She’s now very good at spelling her name correctly and does it often.]
Ellen [after repeatedly telling Daniel she didn't want pants on, as Lesli
tries to put them on]- How many times me said?!!
Daniel asked Ellen what she would
make happen if she could, and she said for all her stuffed animals to come to
life. —Lesli
Ellen saw her shadow on the
trampoline and said “I'm going to jump on it!”
But when she tried, her shadow moved
and she said, “Look! My shadow is doing the same tricks as me!” —Doug
Ellen fell asleep for a nap in my
room. I went downstairs for half an hour and when I came back up she was
awake.
Lesli- How long have you been awake?
Ellen- uh…10 hours.
Observations
For only $10, you can buy a little
corkboard, a skein of red yarn, and some pushpins. I created a little
conspiracy corner in my basement and tacked up a dollar bill (pyramid side up),
a picture of bigfoot torn from a magazine, etc... for friends to discover when
they visit.
Lesli [On the 11th of May]- What
day is it?
Everyone- Thursday.
Lesli- No, I never mean that.
Daniel [Looking at the busted clock]- It's the 19th of January.
Daniel [on walk in woods]- In theory I like dogs, but in practice I like
cats.
At every family gathering I attend, some grown-up feels the need to single me out and thank me for playing with the kids as though it were some sort of heroic sacrifice to have to miss sitting around with adults and discussing my plans for the future. —Daniel
Wickedness
Lesli, grouchy because of headaches
and medication, was saying damn a lot.
later
Ellen [helpfully, noticing that the butter tray has been left open]-
Close the dambutter!
Ellen- Poppy, I want to kick ’ors
face.
Doug [sleepily, getting in bed and pulling up covers]- How about you
have your stuffed animals play, ‘try not to wake Poppy up.’
Lesli [gives Ellen a whole bowl full of M&Ms]- You can only eat two.
Ellen [turning away furtively with the M&M’s bowl]- Let's play hide
and seek and you don't count, okay? Let's do that.
Lesli- Please stop taking these [plastic] knives off this chair. Then I can't find them when I need them.
Ellen- Daniel put dem dere.
Lesli- Nice try. Daniel is 2000
miles away.
Ellen- Poppy, I want to play a bad
game on your ’puter. A game for bad kids. A game with spiders.
So I pulled up a bullet hell with a
giant spider. —Doug
Daniel tries to open Steam for Ellen
but is frustrated by 2-step verification. Bastards!”
Lesli- Don’t say that near Ellen.
Daniel- I’m sure you say much worse
in front of her.
Lesli- Probably, but nevertheless…
Ellen- You say sh*t!
Food
Lesli- Why are there no bowls. We're
always out of bowls! It's like living in hell.
Doug- Have a cucumber.
Ellen- I can't like it. I can't like
horrible things.
Lesli- Please add plenty of butter
and salt to the broccoli. Well, not too much salt, but you can't have too much
butter.
Daniel- If Olive Garden has
contributed anything to gastronomy, it is the knowledge that you can, in fact,
have too much butter.
Doug pointed to an ice cream cone
and asked Ellen what shape it was.
Ellen- A gluten free triangle.
Ellen- Give me more of that crunchy
ham. [bacon]
Ellen- I want doze chips.
Lesli- Not until you eat real dinner.
Chips are a treat. They aren’t good
for you.
Ellen- I want one strawberry, and
den me get some.
Doug- What does Mommy like?
Lesli- I like flowers.
Ellen- Flowers.
Doug- And what does Daniel like?
Ellen [whispering]- Cheerios.
Doug- What does your Poppy like?
Lesli [whispers]- He likes robots.
Ellen- Robots.
Lesli- Daniel, what do you like?
Daniel [drily]- Cheerios, apparently.
Doug [re: Froot Loops box]- That’s a toucan.
Ellen- Yeah, he has a rainbow beak.
Actually that’s not a rainbow—he has red orange green purple black; a real
rainbow is red orange yellow green blue purple and even indigo. That kinda bird
is not a rainbow bird.
Doug took Ellen to Chipotle. She was
excitedly telling me about the dinner he got me— “He got some food from a buy
store!!” (We don’t take her out to eat often.) —Lesli
Ellen [looking at her dad's dinner]- You like bad fings! I only like good
fings.
I tried to do a raspberry on Ellen's
tummy and said ‘raspberry.’ She laughed and said “Don’t do a raspberry. Don’t
do a blueberry either.” —Lesli
Salesman [at BYU Bookstore, having called Daniel over to give his spiel about
electrolyte drink packets]- These are perfect for when you're just coming
out of a workout.
Daniel [to himself]- Yes, you seem to have chosen your target audience
very well.
Ellen ate a sour gummy from
preschool on Valentine’s day- “Ooh! That's so spicy!”
Ellen [sitting on Doug’s lap]- Hey, my stomach getting fat, just like ors.
Ellen [hungry]- Make me a muffin!
Doug [waving his arms]- Alohomora, you are a muffin.
Ellen- [laughing uproariously]
Doug [to Lesli]- At what age do you think she will stop sharing my sense
of humor?
-the end-
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